I want to know what it feels like to Be Fast

Screw You Kids.. ->->->->->->->->->->-v

So..
New Years Eve.
I guess this calls for some Resolutions..

First off..i am starting this yr..i shaved..got my hair cut..took a nice cleansing bath..bought some new clothes..redid my nails..i think im ready for a new beginning..the only thing that is missing... is someone to celebrate this fresh new year with. Ahwell.

life goes on.....

as im learning..
anyway.. so beginning with my first resolution..
Today..as I was working out at southshore..I ran a 5k on the tredmill (aka:Hell) and after I talked to Mr. Buschlen (the Henry David Thoreau of our county) cuz he was working out also..he comes up to me..and he asks me

"Slabaugh..whats it like to be fast? What is it like to be fast?
I want to
know what it feels like to be fast.."

well..for my first new years resolution:

1) I am going to find out what it feels like to be fast..no
matter what strive it takes..

yea..ive finally realized..ive been asking myself that question..i just didnt put it into words..but i want to find out..
my other resoultions

2)Build a stronger relationship with my Family..get to know them..let them get to know me..be able to depend on them..make them feel open to rely on me.. i kinda have always wanted that...i just havent tried i guess.

3)Know what love feels like..says what it means..means what it says..nothing more to say about that..

4) be the healthy person i percieve to be to people..not just act like it when im around people..but always..ive been ahypocrite about it..

5) be more open about my thoughts..let people know whats on my mind..be more assertive about what i want..

I guess thats about it..
but i know im gunna be more aggressive towards this whole..you know..
i dont get what no one knows you want..
anyways

cheers for the New YEars..and I hope everyone has a good one..
I will leave you from a little of "Bloc Party, Like eating glass"

It's so cold in this house

Open mouth swallowing us

The children staying home from school

Will not stop crying

And I know that you're busy too

I know that you care

You got your finger on the pulse

You got your eyes everywhere

And it hurts all the time when you don't return my calls

And you haven't got the time to remember how it was

It's so cold in this house

It's so cold in this house

I can't eat, I can't sleep

I can't sleep, I can't dream

An aversion to light

Got a fear of the ocean

Like drinking poison, like eating glass

It's so cold in this house

Come and show me how it was

We've got crosses on our eyes

Been walking into the walls again

We've got crosses on our eyes

Been walking into the furniture

We've got crosses on our eyes

For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse

We've got crosses on our eyes

We've been walking into the furniture

Love is A Competition

My sisters told me yesterday :

"You Want it..You go and Get it.."

well.. wish me luck.. cuz im goin in

So Lonely

Its Christmas Break..
I have nothing to do
No One to call
no one to see
no one to show up at my door to suprise me.

No One.

I just dont know anymore..what am i doing?
SO I burnt my hand today.. its disgusting..
just another thing to add to my moping list for a pitty party..
i love it..
and it hurts like hell..
just like it hurts to know that i can't just hang out with Him..whenever iwant..
i dont know.

What is it about love that makes it desirable to the point of desperation?
I feel it.. but i dont understand..
I want someone to be there that i know i can call and see when i need to..
someone to touch my lips.. make me warm..
someone to make me laugh...someone to watch movies with..to cuddle..to hug goodbye..kiss goodnight..
someone there always..
someone that cares as much as i do about eachother..
someone to call my phone when im not expecting anything.. someone i can say is mine.. someone that thinks about me thorughout the day..

where is that someone? I thought i found him.. but i wasn't even close.. someone found him i guess before me..or i just didnt speakup soon enough..
damn my mouth and the way i think..
damn Love..

To My Secret Santa

I guess its bout time i got to writing up in here.
yeah..played Santa this morning..
Josh and Zach loved their gifts.

I Love It

it made me so happy when i left their presents in a sneaky way..hah definately a good way to start the morning..you know?
yea. so tommorow is CHristmas Eve.. it seems like Christmas was so rushed..i dont like it. nevertheless..it is what it is and i am happy..to be with my family and celebrate..even tho i dont really even know if i believe the whole concept of christmas anymore.. I think theres more to it than what people are reading into..
i think the bible..is a Emily Dickinson..a Red Wheelbarrow..and people just arent looking at the Bible figuratively..
i dont know..
maybe i will just go to hell for saying that but..
just think about it..
yea..
so i bought stuff for myself today.. an outfit and two super sweet jackets and moccasins.. i love it.. andi look so hott right now..its not even something to joke about.. fo real
thats my extent of being gangsta..and damn does it feel good.

So..on my christmas list..i put.. OSU Wear, a new cell phone, ipod,digi camera, yadayadayada..
but..
theres thingsi wish more for..that can't simply be put into a box and tied up with ribbon..
I want something to fulfill my soul..
I really just awnt someone to simply spend christmas with..i dont know.. but that just sounds like the best Christmas ever..looking out the window with something i care so much about and watching the snow flakes drizzle to the ground..

umm kinda sounds perfect if you ask me

.

...yea
Josh said he wanted to talk to me soon..i dont really know what thats about..but i could only hope its something good.. i dont know..

he is my ultimate christmas wish

but i dont know if im worthy enought to pray and ask god to grant me this..or if its even worth my time..or if there is even anyone to pray this too

looks like a calling for a miracle
*sigh*
welllll
i wish my imaginary readers..
a merry christmas

*LIZ*

Mind over heart..or is it now the other way around..

I demanded towards myself..
no Christmas Gift for him..

what would be the purpose?

i didnt listen to my self.. Of course..and he has a heart felt present sitting patiently under the tree with all my thoughts and feelings included..transfered from my heart to my hands .. to the gift he will be recieving (a mix cd, a DVD, a "homemade" neclace with my hankerchiefs and a pick, and a paper airplane note..) I dontk now... what will it accomplish? nothing except for pure empathy.. Saweet. I couldnt stop myself..once i started..there was no stopping whatsoever...

Christmas Spirit..i Tell Ya

anyway. School= 3 Days..= PURE JOY!
cept..i would like a nice boy for the holidays..Owell.
So yea i put a lot of work into my gifts and i am very happy with them..cept one..i dont know what to do yet..but..yea.. hah
Christmas=5 Days.. Bliss..joy..love..family..smiles..tears..laughing..memories..
Essence..

I love it.

Speaking of Love.. "Jacks Mannequin" is Love.. Listen to it!

But if you left it up to me
Everyday would be a holiday from real
We'd waste our weeks beneath the sun
We'd fry our brains and say it's so much fun
Out here
But when it's all over
I'll come back for another year

This night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning (burning) down
Dark blue (dark blue)
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning dark blue

I Retire..

Better Together.

Should have put up a fight...

he's so far gone now..
and im left here..
so Alone

Letting go of him is like sliding a leech off my skin.

I'ts hard...I'm really trying to be strong.

..its hard.
those two are doing good
She's finally happy again.
I am happy for her..yet i am extremely jealous.
life goes on..i just havent yet.

*Sigh*

Anyway.. Crazy Mixed Emotions this morning.. but I am over it... cuz ultimately..nothing will settle this unstableness i have cept..the best..and its already taken.. hm
..I Hate those dreams tho..that seem like theyre real and for the longest itme when your between sleeping and waking up..and your like

Ohh MY GAWD...did that just happen..or was i dreaming.. andd

incidentally..you are sleeping.. and sometimes thats a good thing..other times..its a hope-kill.. Thank god this one didnt happen tho.. i would have to .. die.. anywya.. im not satisfied with the outturns of things at the moment..
5 Days tho! ahhh am i readyy ..

yea.. so "kaki king" has some sweet instumental music..it really needs to be heard..soo hear it!

i wish i knew how to put music codes on here.. ah well..anyway..
im out.. peace be with you..

Merry

CHRISTMAS!

Flawless?

Habits (Addictions) are nonetheless the most significant imperfection
of a human being.

Philosophers are infinite

soo I recently started reading Walden, or a life in the woods..
at the most..intriguing..and i wub it.
i have no hw.

Bliss

yessss it is.
um yea.. so since im really not ifnding anything to say.. take these quotes i have found in my reading.. they are extremely inciteful.

Here is life, an experiment to a great extent untried by me
:::
So thouroughly and sincerely are we compelled to live, reverencing our life, and denying the possibility of change. This is the only way, we say; but there are many ways there can be drawn radii from one centre. All Change is a miracle to comtemplate; but it is a miracle which is taking place every instant
:::

In the long run ment hit only what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail imeediately, they had better aim at something high

Good stuff right there.
anyway..
maybe i will be back..
when i have something worthwhile to type... Listen to "the Format"

umm btw..i did gain those 2 lbs..
HELL

Food can go to hell

..Soo theres this trail mix..my dad ALWAYS has to buy.. and i ALWAYS pig out on it.. which makes me feel..umm horrible..
but anyway so i eat it
and i put all these unnessasary calories in my body..only to benefit (or not benefit in my case)
with a bloated stomach and a extra temporary 2 lbs or so
not something i need inmy life..
Tracks on its way..

Fat girls DONT run

track nonetheless..
the trail mix seems to make me forget about this..until its gone..and then im like DAMN.
.im gunna suck. soo..screw trail mix..
It kind of reminds me of how..
i put so much effort into relationships (friendships, or love relationships..whatever) and
while im happy for that instant. when its alll done and over with...im left ina life of despair.
.wondering why the hell i wasted all taht time.

Life lives..go on.. i guess. what else are you going to do?

anyway. thats it..
I hate Trail Mix...
.I dont hate friendships n' stuff..
I dislike relationships that go bad.

many things pissed me off today..
*ate that damn trail mix in the morning
*someone wont leave me the hell alone with their Hug addiction..need i say they are literally mentally retarded
*I guess im supposevely a dork for wanting to read..
*I cant relax while reading in the media center..i was laying down..and the teacher told me i needed to sit up..yea cuz im taking up so much space for those tons of people around trying to sit down....yeah
*i can't put my personality into my clothes without people ragging on it. basically our school is a conformist cult..if you dont look like them..you are basically not a human.. go figure.

High School Is Sooo overrated

anyhow.. hm..who would of though.. good song by Autolux.. kinda explains my emotions about the world.. incidentally yea. Music=Good Stuff..GOod Drug. if theres such thing. Marry-a-Jew-on-a plant..woah..i am creative.. think about it.
yea soo the song... Sugarless By Autolux..check it out fool. ...

Impossible day
i don’t complain
i’m over it i guess
scattered and grey
so i hold it back
and keep it sugarless

...Score

*liz

Who Is She?

She's a girl
with too many issues to keep to herself anymore.
She has the best of friends..but at this point in her life. shes as lonely as ever. She likes to have fun but only with certain people.
Shes Confused.
Misunderstood
Too many thoughts she keeps to herself. A Wallflower.
Her brain is in tangles with the thoughts she keeps in her head. But who's to listen?
She's had a blog before.. she wants someone to listen.
but shes not inviting Anyone.
Like a message in a bottle..someone will come along and read what she has to say.
Shes a girl whos gone through too many snow banks alone. She's ready to open up...
but who's to listen.